After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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