In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
