Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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