if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
