I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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