My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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