worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We're too hungover to prance.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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