dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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