I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
