He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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