Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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