And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
