what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
