I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize