dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
