insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
