Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
