U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
