who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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