I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
