Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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