so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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