i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
