you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
