At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
