According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
