Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How drunk are you?
Completed.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
