And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
