i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Drunk is not a location!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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