Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
