I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
