THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
