She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
