Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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