Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
