I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
