I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
