So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
