i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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