I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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