I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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