We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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