I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
