at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
