you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
