I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
