I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
