just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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