her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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