You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
