so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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