I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
