How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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