saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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