Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
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Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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