I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
