he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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