some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
