I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
