I want to walk on stilts...naked
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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