Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
