just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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