I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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