So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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