I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
