something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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