It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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