took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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