He disabled his match.com account in front of me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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