I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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