Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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