Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
cat food counts as protein by the way
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize