we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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