super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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