Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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