Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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