and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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